How do you discipline your child?
Almost every time I have been part of a group debating this question, whether at church or casually amongst friends, the discussion has dwelt on a few topics:
• Whether to spank or not
• The efficacy of time-outs
• Curfews
• “Be firm, but not overbearing”
• “Reproving betimes with sharpness….”
• Parents today are too lenient
And I think these are all terrible–albeit telling–things to bring up in a discussion about discipline. They would be good topics if you were discussing punishment, but the question is about discipline.
Enough with the semantics, right? Wrong. There is a big difference between discipline and punishment, and I think it is a problem when we get them confused.
Punishment is a response to bad behavior. We could debate the correct methods and it would be very helpful. We could discuss the points I listed above. But we’d be deluded if we thought we were discussing discipline. (By the way, when I say, “We could” in this paragraph, I mean, “We could–on another blog.” Please do not discuss punishment methods here.)
Discipline is the reason for good behavior. Look at the word–it’s the same root we use for the word “disciple,” which means “a follower.” Discipline teaches how to act in a given situation, and if the incorrect action is performed, then it may be necessary to exact a punishment. That means that discipline, if properly followed, will obviate the need for punishment.
Why do I say above that it is “telling” that discussions labeled as being about discipline are actually about punishment? Because it epitomizes the confusion we have about what is discipline. And if we are confused about what is discipline, then we are probably not doing a good job of disciplining.
So let me ask the question again so that we can discuss it: “How do you discipline your child?”
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